January 29, 2012 is a day that I will never forget. My ex-husband and I had joint custody of our three minor children and I received a phone call on this day, that he committed suicide. My world was turned upside down, by a ring of the phone.
March 14, 2012, is today. It has been a month and a half since his death. My kids and I have been taking each day, day by day. Our twin boys are only 10 and our daughter is 14. I, myself, struggle with depression. Each day is a challenge and a new day to experience something positive. I feel so negative though. I feel stressed out with how to deal with all of the emotions that come from all of this. I used to be very spiritual and felt so great when I was in that phase of my life. I have now lost it and don't know how to get it back.
The kids and I live in a small two bedroom apartment. I am trying to find something bigger in out little town, to accomodate all of us comfortably. Unfortunately all that I see are no rentals or they are too expensive for me to be able to afford.
I have been reading books on how to deal with life after suicide and also books on their are angels out there.
Does anyone have any good offers of uplifting advice to offer me?
Feeling so alone, isolated and extremely frustrated.
Much thanks,
Kristine
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- March 14, 2012 4:47 pm
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Kristine - so sad to hear of the loss you and your children are having to cope with just now. When I look at your profile picture I see a smiling happy woman with strength and determination. Though times are dark just now, you have memories of times when you were very connected to your spiritual side. Remember these times and you will be able to come back.
On a very practical level, acknowledge every emotion you feel be it anger, rage, sadness, remorse........ As you have had your own struggles with depression, do not let the more negative emotions control you ----- say "hello" to the emotions when they appear - allocate them a time slot (15 mins) then parcel them up and tell them to go away because you have three gorgeous children to care for. "Hunt" down services to support your children, particularly your 14 year old daughter. Not sure where you live, but I hope you have some free bereavement services.
I am just about to go to bed for the night and I will aks for Archangel Raphael to help you and your children face this trauma with strength.
Light, Love and Healing to you
Andrea
Thank you Mathew
G’day Kristine
First of all I’m sorry to hear about your husband, it’s becoming a common occurrence especially in Australia with the young &of all ages in the farming community.
You are definitely not alone or isolated in any way so please don’t think that there are so many people out there who definitely understand your plight.
Have you tried talking to others through a forum on the net, by communicating with others in the same circumstances can be a huge healing process & if you are blaming yourself don’t it unlikely to be true plus it’s not good for you & your kids.
You say that you where spiritually incli8ned well use this to understand that you are now living for your kids & if appropriate your husband. When someone passes on to whom we loved we should live for them as well, no one passes on in vain in my books, there is always a lesson to be learnt from all occurrences in this life you have to find out what yourself…..Love Mathew
PS Remember YOU are not alone just remorseful which is quite understandable.
Thank you Andrea for your thoughts and advice 
Kristine - so sad to hear of the loss you and your children are having to cope with just now. When I look at your profile picture I see a smiling happy woman with strength and determination. Though times are dark just now, you have memories of times when you were very connected to your spiritual side. Remember these times and you will be able to come back.
On a very practical level, acknowledge every emotion you feel be it anger, rage, sadness, remorse........ As you have had your own struggles with depression, do not let the more negative emotions control you ----- say "hello" to the emotions when they appear - allocate them a time slot (15 mins) then parcel them up and tell them to go away because you have three gorgeous children to care for. "Hunt" down services to support your children, particularly your 14 year old daughter. Not sure where you live, but I hope you have some free bereavement services.
I am just about to go to bed for the night and I will aks for Archangel Raphael to help you and your children face this trauma with strength.
Light, Love and Healing to you
Andrea
January 29, 2012 is a day that I will never forget. My ex-husband and I had joint custody of our three minor children and I received a phone call on this day, that he committed suicide. My world was turned upside down, by a ring of the phone.
March 14, 2012, is today. It has been a month and a half since his death. My kids and I have been taking each day, day by day. Our twin boys are only 10 and our daughter is 14. I, myself, struggle with depression. Each day is a challenge and a new day to experience something positive. I feel so negative though. I feel stressed out with how to deal with all of the emotions that come all of this. I used to be very spiritual and felt so great when I was in that phase of my life. I have now lost it and don't know how to get it back.
The kids and I live in a small two bedroom apartment. I am trying to find something bigger in out little town, to accomodate all of us comfortably. Unfortunately all that I see are no rentals or they are too expensive for me to be able to afford.
I have been reading books on how to deal with life after suicide and also books on their are angels out there.
Does anyone have any good offers of uplifting advice to offer me?
Feeling so alone, isolated and extremely frustrated.
Much thanks,
Kristine
Hi Kristine
I thought I was spiritually well armoured and maybe invincible...then my son at the age of 29 took his own life. I understood why, and I knew it was not aimed at hurting me. But the hurt I felt, the depression that I hadn't been able to prevent it. I guess the guilt at having failed him, and the anger that he left me behind. All took their toll. For 5 years I thought I had it all resolved and then suddenly it crept up and hit me. I had to slowly fight my way back, and I used nature, long talks with my spiritual guides, lots of tears and meditation. I am a long way from being back where I 'thought'I was before it happened but I am gaining ground. Blessings, light and love to you Kristine. You are not alone.
TRISH
"We will be known forever by the tracks we leave." – Dakota
Hi Kristine,
If you have a base of spiritual understanding, maybe you can remember that there is no such thing as death? Perhaps you can see that this life we're living is "an illusion, albeit, a convincing one" and maybe you can remember that you, your ex-husband and your children had a "spiritual contract" to help one another expand and grow through this life experience. He is not gone, he has only changed forms and the pain and depression you are feeling now is nothing more than a reminder that you are not seeing this through the eyes of source.
Source energy could not, would not, ever feel depression. Source energy knows all, understands all, and is pure, positive energy. You are made of this same energy and your negative emotion is simply your indicator that you're looking at things through your "human eyes" vs. the eyes of source. Your husband's crossing may be the catalyst you and your children needed to remember this deep spiritual truth....we are all one energy, we are not separate from source/spirit/God or whatever words you use to describe it.
There is no human pain that we must suffer when we see through the eyes of source, when we are connected to who we really are. We, as humans are driven to seek as a result of pain. If all is well in our lives, we have no need to seek. If we have no need to seek we do not evolve and expand and we do not have the opportunity to remember that we are source energy in a physical body. All seeking ultimately leads to this truth, and is the only thing that will ever give us peace.
Any feeling of loss comes from living in the illusion that you are separate from source. Your ex-husband has re-emerged with that source energy, of which we are all a part. You and your children have full access to him when you get into alignment with source energy through meditation, through gratitude, through understanding that source is living through you and it's glorious...when you know this, and feel at peace with this truth, your hurting will end and you will thank him for his role in your expansion.
He gave you a great gift and you are deep, old spiritual friends. But do not despair that he "gave his life" for your expansion, for in the realm of eternity one little lifetime equates to running out to get you some milk. It's really not as big a deal as we make it out to be, and the experience was as much for his expansion as it was every other soul in the universes...all is well you see.
Hope that helps...
Ellie
Thank you Ellie, that was really intense. I want to learn how to get in touch with my spiritual side again. Through all the stress and busy life with the kids, it seems like I have no time......
Take care 
Hi Kristine,
If you have a base of spiritual understanding, maybe you can remember that there is no such thing as death? Perhaps you can see that this life we're living is "an illusion, albeit, a convincing one" and maybe you can remember that you, your ex-husband and your children had a "spiritual contract" to help one another expand and grow through this life experience. He is not gone, he has only changed forms and the pain and depression you are feeling now is nothing more than a reminder that you are not seeing this through the eyes of source.
Source energy could not, would not, ever feel depression. Source energy knows all, understands all, and is pure, positive energy. You are made of this same energy and your negative emotion is simply your indicator that you're looking at things through your "human eyes" vs. the eyes of source. Your husband's crossing may be the catalyst you and your children needed to remember this deep spiritual truth....we are all one energy, we are not separate from source/spirit/God or whatever words you use to describe it.
There is no human pain that we must suffer when we see through the eyes of source, when we are connected to who we really are. We, as humans are driven to seek as a result of pain. If all is well in our lives, we have no need to seek. If we have no need to seek we do not evolve and expand and we do not have the opportunity to remember that we are source energy in a physical body. All seeking ultimately leads to this truth, and is the only thing that will ever give us peace.
Any feeling of loss comes from living in the illusion that you are separate from source. Your ex-husband has re-emerged with that source energy, of which we are all a part. You and your children have full access to him when you get into alignment with source energy through meditation, through gratitude, through understanding that source is living through you and it's glorious...when you know this, and feel at peace with this truth, your hurting will end and you will thank him for his role in your expansion.
He gave you a great gift and you are deep, old spiritual friends. But do not despair that he "gave his life" for your expansion, for in the realm of eternity one little lifetime equates to running out to get you some milk. It's really not as big a deal as we make it out to be, and the experience was as much for his expansion as it was every other soul in the universes...all is well you see.
Hope that helps...
Ellie
That spiritual side of you is always there Kristine..there is a part of you that is always at peace, always in meditation so to speak. Just listen for her in any moment. Driving the kids here and there, getting groceries, doing homework, just reach for it..it's there right now and there is always time for that.
Much love,
E
Kristine,
You're not alone! I have lived with the loss of my Uncle for what is going on 24 years now. He also committed suicide and left behind 3 kids. 1 daughter who has CP and is still living today but has basically remained like a 2 year old in her own body. He also had twin sons. Who have both grown up into fine gentlemen today with families of their own. One of my other uncles took them under their wing and became their father figure. This wonderful man with two other Uncles passed away with the first two months of this year. It has been a really challenging and trying year so far for my family as well. My cousins were about the same age as your sons when he passed. I feel truly sorry for your loss because my family has been there with all those questions that you are asking now. But, time will heal the wounds. Anyone that we have shared intimacy with and especially the birth of children will forever be in our hearts no matter where they are or if they have left this plane. Understand that you are loved and people and angels and above all this the Divine / God is with you. You are blessed and loved and we are all there for you. Feel us surround you and comfort you and hold you as you go through this difficult time. Blessings, Love and light! - Rhonda
It takes time to process anything. Although you were divorced when he did this, he was still a huge part of yours and your children's lives. That type of bond never really fades. It how we live on in others after we pass on. My wife lost her father a few years ago. There are times, like on his birthday and holidays, that she misses him. It hurts now, for all of you, but it will get better. Make sure you and your children are discussing what you're feeling. There are no bad emotions, only bad responses to them. If you feel it, it is a legitimate emotion. Just work through it so it causes no harm to yourself or others. It takes time to grieve through this. A month and a half isn't really that long. Your family and friends are there for you. You are never truly alone.
Dearest Kristine,
My deepest sympathies for your loss and the hard times you and your children are facing at present. It is not easy to believe that the universe does not send us anything that we cannot deal with when things can seem so bad and we feel negative. It is healthy to feel the emotions but unhealthy to dwell and let them take over our lives.
I have suffered loss and found it hard to cope but the old cliche that time is a great healer did come into play and each day the pain lessened. I am a trained aromatherapist and I would suggest that you try some essential oils to help with emotional shock and negative emotions I would recommend a blend of 15mls sweet almond oil mixed with 3 drops of vetiver, 4 drops jasmine and 3 drops of ylan ylang. I can personally endorse the use of essential oils and especially the blend I suggested it helped me immensely. I wish you and your children Love, Light and Blessings for the future. Love is the greatest force in our universe and a great healer. We are nearer the spring equinox (21st March) write all your negative thoughts and emotions of a piece of recycled paper (use red pen if possible) then burn the paper releasing the negativity into the universe, send love to your loved ones that have passed over remembering them in love and light and ask for peace, harmony and balance of mind, body and soul to come to you. This is a very powerful time in the wheel of the year and I will be thinking of you when it arrives and I do my wee cleansing ritual. Much love. Namaste. Joan
January 29, 2012 is a day that I will never forget. My ex-husband and I had joint custody of our three minor children and I received a phone call on this day, that he committed suicide. My world was turned upside down, by a ring of the phone.
March 14, 2012, is today. It has been a month and a half since his death. My kids and I have been taking each day, day by day. Our twin boys are only 10 and our daughter is 14. I, myself, struggle with depression. Each day is a challenge and a new day to experience something positive. I feel so negative though. I feel stressed out with how to deal with all of the emotions that come from all of this. I used to be very spiritual and felt so great when I was in that phase of my life. I have now lost it and don't know how to get it back.
The kids and I live in a small two bedroom apartment. I am trying to find something bigger in out little town, to accomodate all of us comfortably. Unfortunately all that I see are no rentals or they are too expensive for me to be able to afford.
I have been reading books on how to deal with life after suicide and also books on their are angels out there.
Does anyone have any good offers of uplifting advice to offer me?
Feeling so alone, isolated and extremely frustrated.
Much thanks,
Kristine
Thank you Rhonda.......I appreciate it
Kristine,
You're not alone! I have lived with the loss of my Uncle for what is going on 24 years now. He also committed suicide and left behind 3 kids. 1 daughter who has CP and is still living today but has basically remained like a 2 year old in her own body. He also had twin sons. Who have both grown up into fine gentlemen today with families of their own. One of my other uncles took them under their wing and became their father figure. This wonderful man with two other Uncles passed away with the first two months of this year. It has been a really challenging and trying year so far for my family as well. My cousins were about the same age as your sons when he passed. I feel truly sorry for your loss because my family has been there with all those questions that you are asking now. But, time will heal the wounds. Anyone that we have shared intimacy with and especially the birth of children will forever be in our hearts no matter where they are or if they have left this plane. Understand that you are loved and people and angels and above all this the Divine / God is with you. You are blessed and loved and we are all there for you. Feel us surround you and comfort you and hold you as you go through this difficult time. Blessings, Love and light! - Rhonda
(((Hugs))) Kristine,
Our hearts go out to you, and I'm sending much Love your way during your time of grief.
I've lost a couple of friends to suicide over the years, and can imagine what it would be like to loose the father of your children in this manner.
Not only are you attempting to deal with your personal grief in this, but you have three kids you are caring for that are also going through the process...so a great burden in on you with it all.
While I am no longer a Christian I have used a simple poem to help me in times of need, and when I am not feeling spiritually connected and unable to do so.
The poem is Footprints In The Sand:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."
The message for me is simple...you are never alone, and when you feel the least capable of connecting to spirit, or living in a spiritual manner, there is always someone that is carrying you through it to the other side...YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.
Also, I don't know if this will help, but after loosing a loved one I have found it take about two months before you begin to feel real again.
Hugs again...hope it helps a little.
I Am...and I like it
Kristine -
I am so sorry about your husband. I don't know what it is like to lose someone to suicide, but I do know what it is like to fear that you will. My son suffers from a chronic mental illness. Several years ago, before he went into intensive treatment, I lived with the overwhelming fear that the next phone call I received would be someone telling me that my son had killed himself. He is still in intensive treatment (he is going on his 3rd year of 5 full days per week), so I don't worry about it so much now. However, it still exists in the back of my mind that this might happen some day.
I hope you understand that there is nothing you did that contributed to this and there was no way you could have prevented it. Unfortunately, your husband was in so much pain and he believed that the only way he could be released from it was through suicide. Just know that life is eternal. Even though your husband is no longer here in physical form, his spirit is still very much alive. He has now found peace and it is time for you and your children to begin to find your own sense of peace.
I would strongly encourage you to get into some type of counseling program for yourself and your children. This is especially important for you since you struggle with depression.
Also remember that Divine Love is with you and your children right now. You are not alone. You are being supported by Spirit who is there to help you. Any time you feel alone, angry, scared, or overwhelmed, take a moment to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Feel the presence of Divine Love which lives within you and is comforting you.
I wish you peace and blessings.
Rev. Della
Reverend Della
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Thank you so much for your kind words and reply. I am in counseling. The kids I have been getting into counseling as well. It was my ex-husband but he left a huge void in our lives.
I had people blaming me for his death and saying that I pushed him over the edge. It's been so very hard to deal with all of the emotions. I talk to him and am reading books on angels. I just pray I teach and raise my kids the right way.
Peace,
Kristine
Kristine -
I am so sorry about your husband. I don't know what it is like to lose someone to suicide, but I do know what it is like to fear that you will. My son suffers from a chronic mental illness. Several years ago, before he went into intensive treatment, I lived with the overwhelming fear that the next phone call I received would be someone telling me that my son had killed himself. He is still in intensive treatment (he is going on his 3rd year of 5 full days per week), so I don't worry about it so much now. However, it still exists in the back of my mind that this might happen some day.
I hope you understand that there is nothing you did that contributed to this and there was no way you could have prevented it. Unfortunately, your husband was in so much pain and he believed that the only way he could be released from it was through suicide. Just know that life is eternal. Even though your husband is no longer here in physical form, his spirit is still very much alive. He has now found peace and it is time for you and your children to begin to find your own sense of peace.
I would strongly encourage you to get into some type of counseling program for yourself and your children. This is especially important for you since you struggle with depression.
Also remember that Divine Love is with you and your children right now. You are not alone. You are being supported by Spirit who is there to help you. Any time you feel alone, angry, scared, or overwhelmed, take a moment to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Feel the presence of Divine Love which lives within you and is comforting you.
I wish you peace and blessings.
Rev. Della
