Mixed Blessings

There have been several instances in my life where being aware of more than just our physical lives has sometimes felt like a double-edged sword.

When I was in my early twenties my first husband and I lived in Twickenham and we would often drive along Richmond Road to Richmond. One day we drove past a truck with a lift attached to the back. I have no idea what they are called, but they have a small cage which normally has one or two men in it whilst they carry out maintenance to the street lamps. As we drove towards the truck I could see a film in my head of the cage being hit by a double-decker bus. I felt sick in my stomach and without realising it had let out a very loud "oh my God". My husband asked me what the problem was and I told him what I had just seen in my head. He kind of tutted and said it would be fine. It was quite a long road and before the road went to the left round a bend I looked out of the back window back towards the truck. I could see a bus coming along and then to my horror it hit the cage. I gasped and shouted "oh no, you have to stop" but my husband was in busy traffic. He said that as the road was busy there would be lots of people to help. I think he expected me to just carry on as normal but I just couldn't.

In August 1990 I was working and living in Okehampton, Devon. Working so close to home meant that I could go home for lunch and give myself a welcome break from the pressure of my work. I remember one day so very well. I had sat down to eat a sandwich, put the television on and saw that the lunchtime news was giving information about a missing little girl. She was only eight years old and very strangely had been taken through an open window of a caravan whilst she and her family were on holiday in Bridport, Dorset. As I watched I felt so worried for her and concerned for her family. I doubt that anyone can imagine how it must feel to know that your child has been taken and you have no idea where she is, or even whether she is dead or alive.

Oddly, as I watched the footage of a line of police officers scouring the local fields for any evidence, I had another movie playing in my head. I could see the little girl in a derelict house with a young man and she was frightened and crying. Most importantly she was alive. I felt the man was mentally unstable and that concerned me more than anything. Then, just as suddenly as the 'movie' had started, it stopped and I was back to watching tv again. I was quite taken aback and really thought that it was just wishful thinking.

There was a part of me that thought I should do something about the pictures I had just seen, but the logical part of me disregarded the nagging voice in my head, and so I put it to one side and went back to work. Throughout the afternoon though I kept seeing the same movie over and over again, and no matter how I tried to ignore it, it just wouldn't go away. Finally, by the time I had finished work and went home I was beginning to think I was going mad. I was sure that by now they would have found the girl and as soon as I got indoors I put the tv on to see the evening news. Again, they showed the police looking for her, and yet again in my head I was shown the house she was in.

I had a lurching feeling in my stomach as if I had just been given some bad news. I realised then that I couldn't sit and do nothing and so I decided to phone my local police station. I had half expected them to tell me not to waste their time, and was in fact already wondering what else I could do if that was the case. Much to my surprise the man who answered the phone listened patiently and told me they would send a detective to come and see me. Even more surprising was that he arrived only about ten minutes later.

As I opened the door a wave of embarrassment came over me, I told him that he most probably would think I was totally crazy but I just knew I had to do something and didn't know what else to do other than phone the police. He was actually very nice and told me that having been in the police service for a number of years nothing surprised him anymore. He asked me to describe the house and the young man I had seen and also asked if I could draw the house for him. I tried my best to explain everything in the greatest detail I could, I managed to draw a rough sketch of the house and signed a formal police statement. As he left I literally prayed that someone somewhere would take notice of the information and that they would start to search houses for the little girl rather than looking in the countryside for a corpse. I really felt that time was running out and that they had been looking in the wrong place.

I hardly slept that night, and again, first thing in the morning put on the tv to see the news. The little girl had still not been found. I felt I had no option but to drive the 65 miles to Bridport. I was hoping against hope that I would somehow be able to spot the house, and if I did I had planned to then inform the police. I drove around for hours, but didn't see any houses like the one I had seen in my vision. I sadly and wearily drove back to Okehampton. A huge part of me felt I had let the little girl down and I was becoming concerned that the video I had seen in my head seemed to have gone away. I just prayed that nothing dreadful had happened to her. I was glued to the tv all evening and there was still no news.

Again I had a restless night. I was puzzling why I could no longer see the pictures in my mind and also wondering if I had somehow imagined the whole thing. At last the morning arrived and the first thing I did was put the television on. Still no news. I went to work, struggling to stay awake and to stay calm but with my tummy continually churning, which I have learnt over the years is a physical response I have when spirit is close.

Thankfully that day the little girl was found, safe and well. I was absolutely amazed when they showed the house on the tv and zoomed in - it was exactly the derelict house I had described to the police. Also, as I had told them, she was with a young man who was later found guilty of kidnap and imprisoned in a secure mental health unit. I now wonder if my visions had stopped because I had done all I could. I doubt if I will ever really know.

As expected I never did hear anymore from the police on this, but I do hope that my statement made them realise, for the future at least, that it is worth listening to information from mediums.

After this event I seemed to go through a couple of years where many times, especially when a child went missing, I would be shown the most sad and often harrowing scenes but I was not given any further information. I would also watch tv interviews of families where children had gone missing and know instinctively who was responsible, but with no evidence to back it up I couldn't contact anyone. I just knew that there was nothing I could do. On each occasion my 'knowing' was proved right. Eventually I asked my guides not to let me have information if there was no action I could take to help and thankfully those kind of visions stopped.

On the plus side, when I was learning to drive in deepest Devon, many of my lessons were on very narrow winding roads. Very often my driving instructor would comment on my sixth sense as I would often be happily whizzing along for miles, then I would just know to slow down and pull over, and sure enough a car would always come the other way. I had several lessons with my good friend Jeanette and she became really spooked by my unusual awareness. On so many occasions I would know exactly what other cars were going to do, even if their signals and road position indicated otherwise. One time we were behind queuing cars at traffic lights and I was supposed to get in the empty right hand lane to turn right, but I held back. Jeanette told me to move forward but I insisted that the car at the lights, indicating left and with his wheels already pointing in that direction, would be pulling across in front of me. Jeanette laughed and just thought I was being daft. Sure enough though, as the lights changed, the car in the left hand lane suddenly swung to the right and tore off at great speed.

Almost thirty years ago I had a wonderful spiritual reading, by telephone, with a medium I had never met. Straight away she asked me if I ever felt 'cobwebs' on my face as I was driving. I said yes. it was quite normal for me, and she went on to explain that it was a sign that my maternal Grandfather was with me. She told me he was a lorry driver in his life time and he was looking after me. She knew nothing about me, but she was right, he had been a lorry driver, and since that time whenever I feel 'cobwebs' on my face I say thank you to my Grandfather. This has happened so many times, and still does, I really feel I am so fortunate to have him watching over me.

Over the years I have learnt to trust spirit and the visions I have which have rarely been incorrect. I have sometimes wondered if my life would have been easier had I not been so aware, but in reality I wouldn't change a thing. My connections with spirit have made such an enormous and positive difference to my life and hopefully, at times, have helped others along the way too. If through my awareness, even just a few people have been touched by the love of spirit and the knowledge that our lives, right now, are only part of our souls journey, then I feel truly blessed.

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