Boundaries Within

"Emotions are energy. Actual physical energy that is manifested in our bodies. Emotions are not thoughts - they do not exist in our mind. Our mental attitudes, definitions, and expectations can create emotional reactions, can cause us to get stuck in emotional states - but thoughts are not emotions. The intellectual and emotional are two distinctly separate though intimately interconnected parts of our being. In order to find some balance, peace, and sanity in recovery it is vitally important to start separating the emotional from the intellectual and to start setting boundaries with, and between, the emotional and mental parts of our self." - Quoted from the site; http://joy2meu.com/emotional-defenses.htm

Boundaries within is something I never imagined doing. I have always considered boundaries more a physical space that I do not want people crossing. Whether it is getting to close to me, hugging me, touching my hair, or simply standing to close. On my journey this past week I have been learning that it is ok to speak out when someone emotionally abuses me. It has been a hard week. I had a coworker/manager verbally lash out at me because I am gay a week ago and I made the decision to let higher management know. I was asked to write a statement in which I learned so much about the way in which I took in what was said by this woman. One of the things I have learned about is emotion. My emotion. I agree with the above statement in which my emotions are actual physical energy that manifests within my body. I have had such a stomach ache since this experience of going to upper management and making the situation known to them. My emotions have rared their ugly heads. I learned that there needs to be a boundary set within me between my emotional well being and other peoples behavior and opinions.

When she lashed out at me I took on the identity of the person she believed I was. I need to train my mind by setting a mental boundary between who others think I am and who I am; my being. I will no longer take in random judgements or beliefs about me that are negatively charged. I will set a boundary; an inpenterable wall that is a healthy protection of who I am- who God created. My identity as the child of God that I am, is worthy of Gods love and abundance. I stand whole and holy. I am not fearful or judgemental of others behavior. I embrace the moment and seek to learn and become a more humble and loving person. I only want good to come - even to my enemy. She is in fact chosen to be my enemy - I have chosen to love and embrace who she is and recognize the journey she is on and bring her into the light of love so that she can be at peace in her life.

This emotion of love is what I want to manifest within my body to release the pain of anger, fear, resentment, and whatever else I have taken hold of without understanding that I did so. I reclaim the emotion of love, peace and joy and see it as a manifestation of health and strength within my body. I place the negative emotions where they came from and leave them there. I no longer own them as my identity. I release the guilt I accepted from her behavior- I know I have done nothing wrong. I release my physical pain and understand that it was self inflicted because I took upon the identity of me this woman projected at me. I acknowledge that I am a child of God and that God loves me and created me whole.

Kathryn