Trying to let go of my past...

I know for me to really move forward , I need to let go of the past.
Sometimes it's not so easy, and I am my own worst critic .
I have made many mistakes in the past ...went down the wrong path..hit some dead ends...fallen down ,
but always, even in my darkest hours believed things would somehow get better.
Seems like I need to start practicing what I always tell others...live in the NOW...the past is history..and we
don't know what tomorrow may bring.
Always try to think positive and cherish each moment and the people I love .
But the past keeps coming back to haunt me...even in my dreams ...
Many sleepless nights, and days I wonder why I'm here....what good do I have to offer ?
Now I'm not an evil person ..this I know, but in the past I was so weak and for whatever reason
allowed myself to be the victim, it seems too , I always felt too much was too sensitive.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family where there was always arguing and fighting..
Each person in my family had their own part to play it seems.
Love my family but have come to realize that I can't be around them.
I was away from many years...my choosing to just leave and not turn back..but missing having a family
brought me back here , and sadly not much has changed !
So wanted things to be different, always believe people can change for the better.
Guess I must accept those things that I have no control over..
Seems like all they like to do is hurt each other...
I have done all I could to show my love, but know I must keep my distance for my own spiritual and
emotional well-being.
I feel like a failure, and like I'm not very spiritual for having so many negative emotions .
Lately been feeling very angry and hurt ....and any little thing gets to me.
So I have been a hermit, and cried for awhile...today put on some loud music and
danced around , sang off key, yelled, stamped my feet...had my own little temper tantrum LOL
It felt good too......also, wrote a few letters than tore them up and flushed them down the toilet..
I want so much to be a better person...I will get all this out of me...so I can go on..