Adventure's of An Older Culinary Student Week 2

HEAD ON!! Apt title for this week. Head first, head long, head on. Any of them would apply. What a week it has been. Last week was about the butterflies of new, exciting, challenging. This week has been about digging in, getting to work, testing ourselves. I am eating, thinking and dreaming bread again. My passion is very much alive in the world around me constantly. Two of my instructors have all ready recognized my leadership abilities and talent in the kitchen when it comes to baking. They both know I will ask questions if I have them but also that I have been doing this for almost my entire life and have a firm grasp of the skills and chemistry involved. They let me go and I am thriving. I have also faced an old pain head on this week and will talk about that as we go along.

The two ladies I spoke of last week have fallen farther into despair this week as well. It has been much harder for them. One, Revi, has missed classes, which is almost detrimental at this early stage. We can only miss 2 classes and 1.5 hours before failing and being asked to leave the program for the semester, unless we make up those classes during the same week. She has developed what I believe is a pinched nerve in her neck causing numbness in her left arm and hip possibly to a disk issue. So on top of the financial issues she was previously facing, she now is dealing with a physical manifestation of the stress she carries. I feel she will be gone from the school in a matter of weeks if she does not find light to deal with this soon. She is nearing the bottom of her tolerance, it shows in her eyes. I am hopeful that she will open up once she does and begin the process of healing and recovery with learning, if she is strong enough to open herself up to her true calling whatever that may be. She carries much weight, that is plain to see even with the naked eye just by the slump of her shoulders and the drop of her head. She is not confident, peaceful, or faith filled.

The second, Sam, has not missed a class but has been very ill physically with sinus issues now leading to severe headaches. She says that sleep is the only time she is feeling any relief from them. I think these too are a manifestation in the physical of the stress and emotional pain she is carrying. Sam has an enormous weight at home with her children. She is a single mother of two young children. She enjoys cooking, but this is not her passion. Talking about it does not light her eyes or soul. The spark is missing. But the spark is missing when she talks about most things. She too is struggling to awaken. Her journey will not be as long as Revi's but I hope to be there for her as well.

The journey this week with both women has been again eye opening for me. I have seen the parallels to my own. My soul was dying last November. It cried for help and I was not listening. I eventually wrote a poetry book simply to pour the emotions out in a form that would be manageable. I was charging through life head on, not listening to my own needs. Every thing in me was crying out in a way that I can not even describe. Those of you that have been to the bottom of the well and made the journey understand what I mean.

When I stop to wonder just how far I have come on my path, another reminder comes along. Yesterday an instructor asked me to speak to a class about a life experience involving my dad. If you have read my profile, you know he is the drive behind my passion. A year ago, I would never have even known why I wanted to go to culinary school, much less agreed to discuss this particular topic with an entire class. Now, I had no problem knowing it was right and I was peaceful about everything because it was done in love. Love for myself. Love for my dad. Love for my classmates. Love for the world we live in. Love for the plants we eat and grow. The movie we were discussing was "Food, Inc." It is powerful and I ask that you please watch it. That movie is truly what my family lived from the stand point of the soybean farmer. We won against Monsanto. I will tell you that.

I received permission not 30 minutes before class to use his research in my presentation. I had not read it before this time. I started speaking, took out daddy's research, read the first paragraph, and teared up. It says "The goal of the program is to maintain a seed stock which is genetically pure and disease, virus, and insect free for Mississippi's Sweet potato producers." I knew it was my dad's passion but the emotions of it hit me again. My daddy died one year ago, and yet yesterday, in a room of 40 people, his passion, his life, his spirit and most of all HE was standing there with me. He held my hand, ran his thumb across my cheek drying the single tear that escaped, and whispered to me to continue. "We will meet this head on, Little One. You can do this. I'm here." It was the first time outside of my dreams that he had visited.

I am a dream visitor. I have talked with many of my ancestors while sleeping. I talk with my great grands, my grands, my father, my daughters father, have death dreams before they occur.I have talked with my great grandmother but not with my dad while I was awake until now. This new level of consciousness was refreshing with him. It was also very reassuring. The two of the most important people in my life are now always in reach. I have one more to find. That is my next goal. And so this week, head on was the theme that continued to recur and head on each challenge was met. It was powerful, it was enlightening, it was passionate. And whatever next week holds, it too will be met with the same passion and love, determination and attitude. Each moment may not be what I expect but failure is not an option!